The first day of summer is next week. Although I look out my window and see blue sky, sun streaming in, green grass, beautiful trees; in my heart, I feel mostly winter. Cold, dark winter.
It is like the bottom of the well. A cave without light. An empty pit. Hollow. Disconnected.
On my continuous personal journey to find God, I often feel guilt for these raw emotions. Like, I should be sharing it all with my Heavenly Father. But a part of me holds onto the grief like an old comfortable quilt. I’m not ready (will I ever be?) to let go, let God, let grief move into a different space.
I will keep writing, because it is a form of journaling, and it helps me gain perspective on the “feels” ….
Romans 8:26 And in the same way—by our faith—the Holy Spirit helps us with our daily problems and in our praying. For we don’t even know what we should pray for nor how to pray as we should, but the Holy Spirit prays for us with such feeling that it cannot be expressed in words.